I choose LIFE!

It is 6am in the morning and I just had one of those bad dreams that make you suck in your breath and be OH so thankful to be awake. I dreamed that my husband had died. Everything about the dream was really dark. I didn’t see the funeral, any friends, any family bringing food or any comfort that usually comes when you lose your spouse. All I saw was myself in a big dark empty house sitting on the couch watching television. Alone.  My children weren’t there, just me. The silence was deafening. I was surrounded by really nice material things in that home. There were so many nice expensive things that filled it up. Brand new furniture, state of the art televisions and stereos. A nice kitchen. But none of it mattered because I was alone. I didn’t have my husband. I didn’t have my children. In my life, I spend way too much time dwelling on the “have-nots.” There are so many things I see that I wish I had, and quite honestly plan on buying “one day.” This dream I had really gives me a healthy dose of perspective. God could give me those things if He wanted to. He is all knowing and all powerful. There is nothing that He cannot do. Yet, I sit here, in my tiny little 2 bedroom apartment, with my 1 year old baby boy sleeping next to me and my husband stirring around the apartment getting ready for work. The tshirt I’m sleeping in is my BCM beach shirt from 1999. My baby’s pajamas were purchased for a few dollars at a kid’s consignment sale. It is the wee hours of the morning and the sun is poking through our curtains, curtains that I bought at a yard sale. In a few hours I will make my weekly trip to the laundry mat, which is always a low light of my week and such a hassle. But when I consider this dream that I had, the dream in which I was surrounded by so many material things, but all alone, it gives my REAL life so much meaning. I pick up my little boy, smell his baby hair, and I feel rich. I squeeze my husband’s neck a little tighter this morning before he leaves for his 60 hour work week.  I rub my 6 month pregnant belly and feel those little kicks that give my heart such pure joy. I let the dream I had fade into the background of my memory. It’s not hard to let the dream go. Because, when compared to my real life, if given a choice between the dream and the reality, there is not even a little bit of hesitation about what choice to make. I choose MY life.

Please pray for all those affected by the storms! There are many people still without power, water, and air conditioning. God bless you ALL!!!

Growing Home

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