This is going to be one of the most difficult posts I’ve written. A post about something I have struggled with for many MANY years. I know I am not alone in this struggle, though at times I have felt alone. Very alone and very ashamed. The struggle I am talking about is my weight.
I was not an overweight child. I was a thin, clumsy, sometimes awkward one. I had chronic low self-esteem, but that is another topic for another day. I always liked to play sports and when high school graduation came around, I weighed about 145 pounds. Which is a pretty healthy weight for a girl of my height at 5 foot 6 inches.
I attended college at Marshall University and it was then that I developed some very unhealthy habits. Like many college students, I loved the party scene and began to smoke and drink socially. However, I eventually became addicted to both cigarettes and alcohol. (Again, another topic for another day). This is where I began to gain a significant amount of weight. On top of my drinking, I began a long term relationship with fast food and eating out. In my sophomore year of college I gained 30 pounds, and the next year I ended up failing out of school. After that I moved back home, to my Dad’s. I continued my poor eating habits and gained another 25 pounds over the next several years. I tried so many different diets. I would lose weight, but then put it back on. The year 2007 was the year I gained the most. I was diagnosed with a tumor on my pituitary gland and was told I would have a difficult time having children. I am not going to sit here and pretend that the glandular problem caused my weight gain. I’m sure it had just as much to do with the pop tarts I was eating every day for breakfast. I started dating my soon to be husband at the end of that year. The next summer was my 10 year high school reunion. I almost didn’t go because I was so ashamed of how big I was and how ugly I felt. How big was I? Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I’m going to write this. I’m actually going to tell my weight. I’m actually, really gonna do it…..** DEEP BREATH** Exhale…..
Ten years after I graduated from high school, I weighed 255 pounds. In ten years, I had gained 110 pounds.
It’s heartbreaking. It’s embarrassing. It’s….so many things that I can’t even begin to say. It makes me what to cry big buckets of tears into this keyboard.
A girl’s wedding day is supposed to be the day she feels the most glamorous. She finds the perfect gown and marries her perfect guy. She plans for months in advance and might even splurge on a few extras, like new make-up, a spray tan, a spa day, a fresh manicure. I splurged on all those things, but nothing could hide the fact that I was not the girl I once was. I tried to lose weight before my wedding, and ended up losing 10 pounds. But what does 10 pounds matter when you are still 100 pounds heavier than you used to be? So I found my perfect gown, and married my perfect guy. Yes, my husband is pretty much amazing and has always told me he loves me for ME, just the way I am.
As of today, I am at the exact weight that I was on the day I got married. Alot has happened since then. I gave up smoking and drinking. I got my bottom back to church. I had a beautiful baby boy and I’ve been breastfeeding him for the last 9 months. Having this baby is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I want to be the very best I can be, because he deserves the best. He deserves a healthy mom. He needs to learn, by example, how to make wise decisions and how to have a healthy lifestyle. So it’s time for me to make a change. This year is the year. No I am not going on a diet. I have tried diet after diet and have failed. No I am not going to spend hours upon hours at the gym. I’ve tried that too, and I crashed and burned. So what am I going to do? I’m so glad you asked….
My friends at Eating for Me have developed a new nutrition approach to help people live a healthier life. I have known Stacy and Elizabeth for a long time, and I’m so excited to take this journey with them. I have taken the pledge to “Healthify your Year.” It’s all about making small changes that make a big difference. THIS IS NOT A DIET!!!! It’s taking small steps to better nutrition and a healthier lifestyle. For more info on this plan and how to take the pledge click here: 2012 Pledge .
So what am I going to do first? I mean it IS New Year’s Day, the day resolutions get made (and …….well …..usually broken in the same day…Ok, nevermind that, moving on).
My first step is this…..I’m breaking up with the drive thru. We’ve had a long volatile relationship and it is time for it to end. That’s it. That is where I am starting. It’s all about baby steps people!
This is not going to be easy all the time, but I have to do it. For my son, for my husband, for MYSELF. I will be blogging throughout this journey and I’m excited to see where it takes me. Finally, to you reading my post, THANK YOU. It was very VERY hard for me to share all of this. Your kind words and encouragement are much appreciated!