Last month, my husband and I took a weekend road trip to Riverstone Resort & Spa in Tennessee. Our baby had just turned 6 months old and alone time has been hard to come by. Those of you with little kiddos know what I mean.
I had never been away from my baby before. We’ve never spent more than 12 hours apart since he was born (and in one instance of 12 hours apart I spent in the hospital with pneumonia ). I am very VERY attached to my little guy. I am a stay at home mommy so taking care of little man is my full time job. Oh and by the way, my job ROCKS. 🙂
So naturally I was a little apprehensive about leaving him.
I tried every excuse I could think of not to go. We don’t have the money right now. Then the money worked out. I can’t get anyone to keep the baby until Dad and Rose get off work. Then that worked out. A very good friend’s mother said she would keep Aidan on Friday until my step-mom got off work. Our car will not make it on a trip to Tennessee. We were able to ride a chartered bus with several other couples who were going also.
After I ran out of excuses, I finally came to the realization it was meant to be. It was God’s plan for us to go. And so we went. We dropped Aidan off very early on Friday morning at Sandy’s house, who by the way is one of the sweetest ladies you will ever meet. I had already given Sandy some very detailed instructions over the last several days, but I guess I was trying to draw out those last few moments before we left by going over it all again. JR pointed this out to me, that I was repeating myself over and over and it was time to leave.
I took one last look at my baby, hugged and kissed him and said goodbye. I then proceeded to walk out on Sandy’s front porch and collapse into tears. Big heavy sobs rose up from my chest as I walked from the house and got into the car. My heart hurt already and I wasn’t even 10 steps away from him yet. Riding in the car on the way to the church, I cried like a little baby. My husband didn’t try to stop my crying, he didn’t tell me how silly I was being or that I was ridiculous for being this sad over a 60 hour separation from our little guy. Instead he drove quietly and let me have my little crying spell. When my sniffles started to become less frequent, he looked at me and said, “Are you okay?” I didn’t know how to answer. No I really wasn’t okay, I wanted my baby. But it was too late to back out now. We met at the church with the other couples going on the retreat and then the chartered bus departed.
I thought about Aidan every moment that we were away. Aidan is a breastfed baby, so I pumped my breastmilk every 3 hours the whole weekend I was away from him. I was convinced that my baby boy would forget about me, that he would be busy playing and eating. He would be drinking from his breast-flow bottles and not give one more thought as to where Mommy went or what she was doing.
JR and I got some much needed R & R. We reconnected to each other. Honestly, we did not realize how much we have recently been neglecting our marriage until we went on this retreat. We made a very important decision that weekend. We never want our baby boy to grow up in a home where Mom and Dad do not hug and kiss one another. We always want Aidan to know that his parents are best friends, who love one another very much AND love him. Yes, we missed him terribly while we were gone, but setting aside time for our marriage is very important too. It was life changing.
The bus ride home was forever long, but after a short yet long weekend, I was reunited with my baby boy. And as for my fear that he would forget me? Umm, no he did not. He did not, would not, almost down right refused to take milk from a bottle. Rose said he wanted to nurse so very badly. He tried to nurse everything, from her arm to the couch. Ohhh thinking about that still makes my heart ache. I feel so guilty that he wanted me, and I wasn’t there. Then I remember how God worked everything out for us to go that weekend, how He made the impossible possible, and how even though I will always remember how it felt, Aidan will not remember any of it. All he will know is that his Mom and Dad care enough about him to keep caring for each other, even when it’s really really hard.