No, I have not disappeared!!

I am still here, and I still want to blog! So here’s the deal:

My baby is almost 4 months old now. Having him is the best thing I’ve ever done. He brings out the best in me for sure. However…having him has also stirred up so many emotions in me. These emotions are so deep and SO hard for me to put into words! My husband is having the same struggle. Basically what has happened is having this baby has forced me to deal with feelings that I have about my OWN mother. I was really not ready to face or sort out this feelings, but becoming a mother has changed me. Forever. My mother and I have always had a VERY DIFFICULT relationship. I never have understood the decisions she made with regards to her children. Now that I am a mother myself, I understand it even less. So I hope this sheds a little bit of light on why its hard for me to blog right now. Please bear with me, I’m really going to try. I know this stuff is very deep and very personal. Not nearly light hearted enough to be in a happy mommy blog. But this is what I’m dealing with right now. My husband is dealing with some of the same stuff, but he is a much stronger person than I am when it comes to emotions. I’m not sure if anyone is even still out there following or reading this blog, but there you have it. I needed to break the ice. I hope now to be able to blog blog blog away!

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